I love it when people do funky surveys.

Just in case you were sitting and home and wondering who the cheaters of the world are out there, rest assured that someone with way too much time on their hands had the exact same thought. I know I sit up at 3:00 in the morning just stressing about what professionals are most likely to cheat. You know…just one of those burning questions of mine.  Forget about figuring out whether a Twinkie really has a shelf life of 10 years, or whether or not Who is really on first, this is a question for the ages.  Thankfully, I don’t have to stress any longer as AshleyMadison.com, whose sole purpose it to help married people find other cheaters nice people to date, reviewed the accounts of their members.  So who cheats?

For Women:
1. Teachers
2. Stay-at-home Moms
3. Nurses
4. Administrative Assistants
5. Real Estate Agents

For Men:
1. Physicians
2. Police Officers
3. Lawyers
4. Real Estate Agents
5. Engineers

Yep, real estate agents made the top 5 for both men and women.   How cool is that?  Top 5.   No other profession can claim that distinction.  Now I know that real estate agents have often ranked low on surveys for being trustworthy, but hey…we finally made the top 5 for something.  I say stand up and be proud.  Awesome!

…okay, not really, but hey I’m cranky today because the time change is killing me,  and I thought this was pretty  funny.

Now I know that some of you think a buyer’s agent is there to help you assess whether or not a home is the right one for you, but really…you need to watch this video to see what top notch buyer agents do for their clients.

Forget permits, flood plains, and zoning issues…nothing beats this agents knowledge of radiators.

Sometimes you get presented with an opportunity just too good to pass up.  Me…I get presented with those “great opportunities” pretty much daily.

Take today, for example…

First,  I, formally known as Melina Tomson but now known as “email bearer,” won a cool $2.5M in a lotto I never entered.  I was always taught that hard work would be rewarded, but apparently my mere existence in the universe will bring me millions today…how cool is that?

Then, I was contacted by a Colonel in the Sudanhese government wanting to invest in real estate, here in local Salem Oregon…how often does that happen? He must have read my blog!  That’s it!… All I have to do is give him my email address to start talking because the email address he used to contact me apparently isn’t the one he is looking for…I love selling real estate, sign me up for that!

I’m thinking I should email him back with my new email address of DoYouReallyThinkPeopleFallForThis@Tomsonburnham.com or StopSpammingMe@TomsonBurnham.com.  I’d use some 4 letter words in there, but I don’t want to offend any of you readers with my foul language…

Finally, not one, but two…man I rock, two!…emails from Hong Kong banks directed to me, so politely with “your kind attention,” about helping to launder assist in the placement of money here in the US.  Who can resist an email that asks for your “Kind Attention” on it.  Clearly not me…I can’t believe all these great people that want to use little ol’ me, here in Salem Oregon, to help them!  They really got me thinking of contacting them with that second email because they corrected the spelling errors from the first email they sent 5 minutes earlier.  Clearly, these are good people…

Anyway…all of these amazing opportunities have me reconsidering selling real estate here in Salem Oregon.  I don’t know…Doesn’t get much better than these choices…Where do you think my future lies…

What should I do?(answers)

Erik Hitzelberger wrote a little poem based on Green Eggs and Ham.  I started a comment thread in his post, and well…it morphed into this.  So this is dedicated to all  Salem Oregon home buyers and Salem area real estate agents that try and work together to find the right house…whatever that may be.

That house for me, that house for me
I cannot find that house for me.

Would you like it
here or there?

Would you like it really old?  Would you like it plated gold?

Would you? Could you?
fix it up?

You may like it with a well?

A  short! A short!
A short! A short!
Could you, would you
try a short?

Say!
On the creek?
Here on the creek!
Would you, could you, on the creek?

I would not, could not,  on the creek.

Would you, could you, with this plan?

You do not like them. So you say.
Let’s look! Let’s look! And you may.
Let’s look and you may, I say.

Those of you that subscribe to my blog know that I am a data geek…lots of data…

A very funny, and if you are moving to the Scottsdale area in Arizona,  good real estate agent, Paul Slaybaugh had this stellar market report to share about his area…

Please feel free to read it here.  Make sure to leave a comment.  This just might be the best market report I’ve seen in a while…

This is a funny video from John Daily in care you didn’t see it. Worth watching.

As a Salem Oregon real estate agent I get solicited all of the time….

buy this super duper neon green pen to give to all of your clients who will love it so much they will refer 100 people to you…just because of this pen! It is squishy you know…people like squishy pens.

or

buy this compass embossed with your face so your consumers never forget you when they go camping.  N, S, E, or W…your smile is there to remind them that you are there for them…

or

buy this custom engraved toilet seat for your buyers to welcome them to their new home.  Every time they flush…Your smiling face will be there to remind them that you are there for their real estate needs.

Me…I’m not a pen giving, recipe card sending, dohickey kind of agent.  I don’t like cheap junk and so I don’t give cheap junk to my clients.  It clutters our landfills.   I figure if you all liked me then you know how to get a hold of me.

Times have changed due to the economy and the amount of solicitation calls seems to have gone up for me lately.  I can usually screen them out with my caller ID, but every so often I’m not sure so I pick up.  Today was one of those days.

I received a solicitation call for one of those card sized magnifying glasses.  I could have my company name and logo put in a small strip at the top of the magnifying class so that you all could see my name whenever you read something.  As the solictor went on and on about all of the uses, I kept thinking I should buy gift certificates to the tattoo parlor and just require clients to inscribe my name on their forehead.  I think it’s better for the environment that way…I mean no plastic in the landfills and all, but I digress…

So as she paused to take a breath and finish her plea for me to purchase this “new product” at “introductory prices”  she said, ” and it’s cheap, cheap, cheap…like a bird.”

Hello?   Did she really say that?

I don’t know who in the world wrote that script for her, but I just wanted to let you know that it stinks…

THEN…about 30 minutes later I got a call from someone who mumbled their company name.  I still have no idea what company it was, but their introductory let’s sell Melina on this really great idea so I’m going to give her a slick opening and engaging line was…

“I’m looking for agents that aren’t doing well.”

No, “hey how’s it going, Sunshine?” or “I’m looking for top notch people to work with, is that you?”  Nope..none of that.  His reel them in script was the ever popular, “I’m looking for agents that aren’t doing well.”  You know…he got me at hello with that line.  I was ready to sign on the dotted line.  What pull…

Now…anyone who has read my blog knows that I am a tad sarcastic.   I know…I know…hard to believe, but it is true. Between these two callers and then an agent slacking on the job (I also had an agent that didn’t return my phone calls for the past week and a half, finally call me back today), I think Dale Carnegie should rename his book How NOT to Win Friends and Influence People.

All I know is that I was not impressed.

This video came to my attention. Enjoy!

You want to know what agents really do at open houses?

(c) Copyright, 2008. Melina Tomson, All Rights Reserved (ie…be nice and create your own content. Don’t steal mine…)

One of the best things we can do is laugh. It’s good for the soul.

Sometimes that means laughing at ourselves or sterotypes. Someone shared this video on another forum, and I thought it was funny. It is about 5 minutes long.

I’m thinking about trying his excellent techniques with my clients…

(c) Copyright, 2008. Melina Tomson, All Rights Reserved (ie…be nice and create your own content. Don’t steal mine…)